Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize