i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize