His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
