I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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