She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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