Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
