I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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