Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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