You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
