im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
