A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize