in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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