I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
