I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Please don't give away my fajitas
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize