So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
