Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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