I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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