When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
