youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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