Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
