yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
