The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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