Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
