Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
