in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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