I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize