I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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