After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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