you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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