Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I deserve this hangover.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
