You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize