Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
