Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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