If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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