i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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