i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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