I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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