Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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