Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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