i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Holy sore nipples Batman
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
