is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize