Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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