She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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