Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize