I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
