so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just gargled with NyQuil
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
