don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
