Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
