Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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