As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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