There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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