six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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