dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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