We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
