Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
