So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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