Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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