Pants 0. Shit 1.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sober January is a disaster.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Text me some of your sweat
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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