Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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