I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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