Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
