New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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