Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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