I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
