She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
