Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Boobs are out for the taking
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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