tell your sister to shave her snatch
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
